Ten Reasons Parenting Sucks

Posted on | October 1, 2011 | Comments Off on Ten Reasons Parenting Sucks

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1. Screaming at my two boys to take a damn shower every night.  Why is cleanliness so hard?  I actually have to say “Go take a shower, use soap on your body and make sure you use shampoo on your hair and wash it out.”  Why?  If I don’t, they jump in for ten seconds and then get out. They are the master of loopholes.
2. Why, yes, I DO want to sit around and drink/read trashy tabloids all day. But I can’t. I have to say no. I have to encourage things like sports, reading, and playing outside, which ends up in a fight with two surly boys and one happy girl excited about actually leaving the house.  You can imagine what the car ride is like.
3. I have to provide food three times a day for children who, honestly, most of the time refuse to eat it. My rule is that I am NOT a short order cook.  You eat what is on the table, or you go to bed hungry. My middle child goes to bed hungry a lot, while stating that I am the meanest mom ever.  The gratitude makes you tear up, doesn’t it?
4.When you have a four year old,  for your own sanity, sometimes you have to stack the deck so you lose Candy Land on purpose. And that doesn’t even address the fact that you have to play Candy Land in the first place. Because Candy Land? Can suck it.
5. Even if I didn’t make the mess, I have to make sure it gets cleaned up.
6. Homework. I believe that it is harder to MAKE a child do homework than it is for them to actually DO the homework.
7. It is soul crushing to pour your lifeblood into your children only to have them turn around and say “You hate me!” because you make them (insert anything here). Also unpleasant is hearing them say, “I hate you!” because you accidentally threw out the scrap of paper that had some very important bullshit doodle on it.
8. At my boys age, getting a voice mail from their teacher is NEVER a good thing.  I promise you, they are not calling to tell me what a delight my children are and could we donate them to science to clone them.
 9. You have to teach kids everything. All the time.  This never goes away. My teenager still has not grasped what napkins are for. And have you ever tried teaching a child to use any kind of manners? If you can get your children to actually say “thank you” with out you prompting them with ” what do you say?”, then you are the an awesome parent.  Kudos to you and your awesome children.  You suck.
10. They know the answer to everything, unless it is something simple, such as, “Did you finish your homework?’ or “Where are your damn shoes, we are leaving in five minutes.”  Then they look at you like you just spoke Latin and walk away without an answer.
Mother of the Year…
PH
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