Give Me Strength

Posted on | September 13, 2011 | Comments Off on Give Me Strength

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Holy Motherf###ing shit!

I have a  wonderful, handsome fourteen year old son. He is absolutely the coolest kid in school. Don’t believe me?  Just ask him!

Somehow, and I am not sure when this happened, he woke up and now  knows everything in life.  Everyone else is so freaking stupid.  Me, HSF, his father, his teachers, everyone, except his equally cool friends.

I wish I actually knew when this took place because I would love to throw a “My son knows everything” party!  Of course, that would be totally stupid and neither he or his cool friends would come to such a lame ass party.

I have three children and this is the first of my “teenage years”.  I am trying not to kill him, but every time he rolls his eyes at me, I want to start carving his headstone- Here lies PH’s teenage son, who rolled his eyes at his mother for the last time.

He fancies himself a computer expert, and honestly, he is.  Not on par with HSF, but he has been kicked off of X-box several times for creating” software” and giving it to gamers that has cheat codes for games they play.  He also “jailbreaks” his friends cell phones at school for $5.00 a pop.  Don’t ask me what the hell that means, but HSF said the Feds wouldn’t be knocking our door down, so whatever…

My teenager loves his technology…

So, I don’t know about you and your family, but the ONLY way to get my son’s attention is to take his cell phone out of his hand, his I-pod ear-buds out of his ears and stand in front of his tv while he is playing X-Box.  He LOVES it when I do that and our conversations are so riveting.  For example..

Me, ripping everything out and standing in front of the tv, “Have you done your homework?”

Him: “MOM!  GOD! I am in the middle of a match.”

Me: “I don’t care.  Let me see your homework.”

Him: “Mom, I did it.”

Me: “Then let me see it.”

Him:  Talking on his headset to his cool friends- “Guys, I’ll be right back, my mom is treating me like I am five, and I have to show her my homework.”   Hands me his homework… “See, can I get back to my game now?”  “GOD- I hate it when you do that in front of my friends.  You are so embarrassing.”

Me: “Asking to see your home work is embarrassing?  Are you serious?”

We have this conversation every night.  Tonight I was sick of it.  Tonight I just walked in, took off his headset, put it on, and started talking to his friends.  I told him that my son was gone for the moment looking for his homework to show me and then starting asking them all kinds of questions- What’s your favorite game?  Who had girlfriends and what were their names, and if they liked Justin Bieber.  Now, the teenager’s were cracking up with me, but my son was horrified.  I mean, standing there, open mouthed, wide eyed, actually speechless, horrified.  At the sound of the name Justin Bieber, he ran like his ass was on fire, showed me his homework and pleaded with me to give him the headset back.

I told him that if he gave me any more attitude about his homework again, I would make my headset hijacking a nightly ritual, to which he promised that he would NEVER give me homework attitude again.

I love my son and I am thankful he is cute, because that is what is keeping him alive right now.

BTW- his friends thought I was hilarious and begged him to let them talk to me some more.  He did have to own up to the fact that his mom was funny sometimes.  HA!

I can’t wait till my four year old daughter is a teen!  That should be loads of fun!

PH

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