Posted on | August 23, 2011 | 13 Comments
It’s devastating to learn that some of your friends no longer want to be a part of your life, no matter what the reason. But especially, when that reason has not been made clear.
I have always taken my friendships very seriously. Very. Seriously.
Indeed it is rare to find true friends that love you and accept you for all that you are and love you and accept you for all that you are not.
I guess that’s why it hurts so much when they are gone.
A true friend can know you better than you know yourself. A true friend is always forgiving and honest. A true friend can also see you for all you are worth even when you can’t see it in yourself. They are there for the good times, and there for the bad,they even call you out on your shit.
I hate to sound cliche but, “The Harder The Truth To Tell, The Truer The Friend That Tells It.” My closest friends, the ones I trust the most, would never let me leave the house in an outfit that isn’t flattering, and always tell me when I need a breath mint. They tell me when I am great and they certainly tell me when I am an asshole.
I think you are lucky if you find just ONE friend like that in this world.
Alas, I am writing this post with tears falling from my eyes and a very heavy heart. It seems that some of my truly valued friendships has come to an untimely and unexplained end. It has not been the same since I became divorced, but now, all ties are cut, and I don’t know why.
Many people expect that their friends will always be there. They expect friendship to last forever. Yet, I understand that friendships end and friends part company everyday. I know it is unfortunate, even the best maintained friendships can end. Many end because of a change in personality or lifestyle. Sometimes friends just drift apart and fade away with time. There is a retreat from self-disclosure and seeking out each other’s company. Avoidance begins. The friendship slowly loses importance and finally disappears.
I get that.
But here is what I don’t get. Usually, I can pin point the reason or circumstance as to the: when, where, what, why, and how the relationship was terminated. However, in this particular case, with these particular friends, I don’t know what was/is the cause that has led to the sudden demise of our friendship.
I believe that it is very important to hold myself accountable for my actions and to take full responsibility when I am in the wrong. So, for the last two weeks I have been making myself crazy. I have been analyzing every word and every action, while replaying every single conversation, and every single moment in time we spent together over the last 7 years, in my head. After much thought and scrutiny I am still left wondering what I may have said or done that drove my friends out of my life?
I don’t usually have this much trouble letting go of a friendship. Shit, I have cut people out of my life that I felt were toxic for me, and I never gave them a second thought. But at least I had the decency to give them the courtesy of a phone call, or to write them a good bye letter, giving an explanation as to WHY I would no longer be a participating member of the relationship.
These former friends, the ones who extended their hands in friendship, only to take it away, without warning or notice have been such an important role in my life that I am unable to walk away as easily. I know that I can not make someone stay friends with me, and I will respect their wishes. I just wish it didn’t hurt this bad.
I know I have other people I can lean on. I know that I am blessed with HSF and Mrs. Paralegal, and Janna who I can turn to.
But I miss them. A lot.
I am trying to hold on to the fact that people will come in and out of my life for a various reason. Some are meant to stay forever. Others are here only temporarily to teach me a valuable lesson or to help me through something. Maybe they were in my life to teach me and that lesson has been learned and our time together is simply over.
Yet I still have no closure. And no answers. Maybe I never will. I guess it is important for me to grieve and feel the pain fully. Then maybe I can move on to enhance another friendship or build entirely new friendships.
But it is going to take some time to get used to this new empty place in my life that was once filled with their happy, smiling, faces and all the good times we had.