True Blood Season Premiere

Posted on | June 30, 2011 | 4 Comments

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Here’s where the first episode of season 4 found everyone. Don’t read if you haven’t seen the episode, there are spoilers below:

Sookie: Sookie, the most annoying character on TV EVER, went to Fairyland at the end of season three, and that’s where we met up with her last night.  She ran into some old friends like Barry the Bellhop and her Granddaddy Earl, played by  Gary Cole (also know as Mr. Brady in The Brady Bunch Movies).  Because Sookie is so much “smarter” than all the other fairy humans, she knew better than to eat the glowing fruit.  That was a huge stretch on the character, because Sookie is a lot of things, but smart is not one of them. Anyway, Sookie got a chance to talk to her granddaddy one last time.  Granddaddy thought he had been in Fairyland for only a week, until Sookie had to bust his bubble and tell him, “UMMM ,  You’ve been here for twenty years.”
And then Sookie and Mr. Brady jumped into a deep black hole and they ended up in the cemetery and then grandpa died, but not before giving Sookie his gold pocket watch to give to Jason.
What else about Sookie? She is still stupid,  she goes back home, and Jason has sold her house to some conglomerate called AIK.  What does AIK stand for? Who know?  But Sookie decides to squat in her old home until the new owner comes to kick her out.  Which he does, and pisses me off in the process.

Bill: Bill ran to Sookie as soon as he felt her return home.  He seemed like the same old Bill to me, lame and possessive, and still in love with stupid Sookie.  But what’s this???  He is no longer Bill, the idiot in love with Sookie.  He’s Bill, the take charge vampire of the people.  He’s working with the Bon Temps Chamber of Commerce, run by one Portia Bellefleur, who pretty much got all the looks in the Bellefleur family (Sorry, Andy and Terry).  And, now that Russell is dead and the queen is hopefully a rotting pile of Jell-O,  Bill is now King Bill the Badass (since he doesn’t seem to love Sookie anymore).

Eric: Eric has become the face of your friendly neighborhood vampire, which, duh.  Why wasn’t Eric always the face of the vampire world?   He’s turned Fangtasia into, basically, the local McDonald’s.
What else has Eric done?   He bought Sookie’s house.  He was the mysterious AIK, which I’m guessing stands for… Always Intend (to) Kill (Sookie)- dear lord, please let it stand for that.   Anyway, much to my displeasure, Eric bought the house and now he owns Sookie because the house owns her.  God.  If he ends up loving her, I will… well, I don’t know, but it will make me puke.

Jason: Speaking of Jason, he’s now a full-fledged police guy.  Or so it seems.  He might have just appointed himself to the position since Sheriff Andy Bellefleur is all hopped up on V all the time.  And Jason is still trying to help those mangy folks out at Hot Shot. (I was hoping  we were done with them)  And for all his help, all he got was locked in a freezer.  Poor, idiot, Jason. At least Crystal is still missing.

Tara: Tara is now Toni from Atlanta. She’s a cage boxer and a  lesbian. With what happened to her last season, do you blame her?  She seems to be doing better and I loved the fact that she didn’t come running back home when she got the news that stupid Sookie was back.  Ha!

Arlene and Terry: They’re married and they have a lovely little half-Arlene/half-Rene toddler son who likes to decapitate Barbies.  The kid, who is probably normal, is going to be made a serial killer by Arlene and her comments to the poor kid.  “Mickey, killing is wrong.”  God, Arlene.  Shut up.

Lafayette: He’s still with Jesus., who is trying to get Lafayette to join his coven.  They brought a dead parrot back to life for a few seconds. Not that exciting.

Jessica and Hoyt: They’re living together and bickering cutely over food problems.  Jessica doesn’t eat, and Hoyt just wishes she’d cook him some eggs once in a while.   It was cute how they ended their fight by laughing, but if she thinks our food is disgusting, how did she work at Merlot’s last season?  

Other Things:
  1. The fairy world sucks, but it’s still better than Sookie.
  2. Pam’s attempt at the Public Service Announcement was awesome.  Everything Pam does is awesome.
  3. The fairies are really ugly, so it makes me happy that Sookie really looks like that.  Let’s see if Eric is turned on by fairy Sookie.
  4. Lafayette is rocking a mohawk this year.  Not his best look.  Very Mr. T, but not in a good way.
  5. Fun Terry Fact: He used to put squirrel heads on lizard bodies and invent new animals.
  6. Eric’s line to entice humans into Fangtasia: “We’re always more than happy to serve people here at Fangtasia, and I don’t mean for dinner.”
  7. Sam is looking more gray and bitchier than usual, but he’s made some new shape-shifter friends.  They turned into horses and ran around.  Pretty boring.
  8. Tommy is now  Mama Hoyt’s little bitch?  That is hysterical.
  9. Bill has a thing for Portia the Bellefleur lawyer?  Or Portia has a thing for Bill?  Either way, this thing will become a thing eventually and I hope it breaks Sookie’s little heart.
  10. Eric’s words to Sookie: “Sookie, you are mine.”  And when Eric says, “You are mine,” you say, “Yes, Mr. Northman,” and you let him suck your blood. Unless you are Sookie.  Then Eric should have NEVER uttered those words.  Eric, you are smarter than that.  Please, let it be a trick and you really want to kill her!



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4 Responses to “True Blood Season Premiere”

  1. Momalegal
    June 30th, 2011 @ 2:48 pm

    I was waiting for you to comment on the season premiere! LOVED that line by Eric, and OMG I was dying watching Pam try to do that PSA. Go Pam! I’m over the hillbilly/panther thing.  I was also going WHUCK? about Sookie squatting in the house.  The fairy thing was super lame.  God I hope that’s over.  Where is Alcide? I want Alcide!!  Did you see this? 

  2. Paralegal
    June 30th, 2011 @ 3:10 pm

    I did see those pictures! I bet they have so much fun on that set!

  3. OldParalegal
    June 30th, 2011 @ 6:54 pm

    I can’t STAND Sookie OR Bill (yet I still watch…) Bill has got to be the wimpiest vampire ever written (except Edward – but don’t get me started on Twilight!) Eric is colder and crueler in the books, my kind of guy.  Check out JR Ward’s books for great vamps.

  4. Paralegal
    June 30th, 2011 @ 7:44 pm

    Yea!!! Another Sookie hater. God, she sucks and it pisses me off that Eric of all vamps would want her. Why?? He has the awesome Pam.

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