Talking To My 14 Year Old

Posted on | June 20, 2011 | 11 Comments

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Over the past couple of months, I have come to realize that teenagers require a different set of communication rules. With everyone else in my life I have the ability to have a conversation. I say what I would like to say and they listen. Then they say what they would like to say and I listen. That is how communication works…unless you are my 14 year old son.  Good God!

In talking with him, you have about thirty seconds to make your point.

This is the conversation I would have with a “normal” person:

“Are you aware that you  have a C+ in Orchestra?”

“Yea, the teacher gives us really hard pop quizzes!”

“Well, then maybe I should talk to your orchestra teacher about the pop quizzes and you should spend some more time studying and practicing”

“I practice all the time!”

“Really, because every time I come in your room you are playing X Box Live.  I have never once heard you practice your viola and I KNOW you don’t have a soundproof room”

“No! I practice all the time at school!”

“Seriously? I don’t think you even know where your viola is at this point!”

AND THIS IS WHERE HIS EYES WOULD GLAZE OVER AND HIS LISTENING WOULD COME TO A SCREECHING HALT.

” Damnit, you know if you don’t get a good grade in Orchestra, then you will have much more difficulty next year.  Plus, since they are not giving college scholarships in X-Box right now, it would be helpful if you could throw more energy into practicing your instrument for a chance at a scholarship.”  There will always be things that are difficult, but you have to put forth more effort and keep your grades up……

That part of the conversation would go on for about ten more minutes before I ask him if he understands me and he nods with a dazed look on his face.

So, being a bit wiser, this was our actual conversation:

“OMG!, did you know your Orchestra grade sucks right now?”

“Yea, but…”

“Are you going to fix this or should I get involved?”

“No, I’ll fix it”

“Do you know HOW to fix it?”

“Yea…sigh”*

*Rolls his eyes and stomps off to his room (stepping over his viola to play X-box).

And this one is my “easy” child.  God help me when my 9 year old becomes a teenager.   Seriously, if you are a spiritual person, send your good vibes my way because my youngest is what his teachers call “strong willed”, and what I call a major pain in the ass at times.

PH

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Comments

11 Responses to “Talking To My 14 Year Old”

  1. Grumpy Humbug
    June 20th, 2011 @ 8:43 pm

    This is why I have cats instead of children.

  2. Prospective Para
    June 21st, 2011 @ 1:34 pm

     Amen.  Although in all fairness, the cat can be a pain in the ass sometimes, too.

  3. dallasparalegal
    June 21st, 2011 @ 1:39 pm

    And cats generally create a worse smell than even the messiest teens.

  4. Paralegal
    June 21st, 2011 @ 10:11 pm

    Cats are cute, but I am allergic. I am a dog person anyway and have the best black lab in the world.

  5. Corporate Paralegal
    June 21st, 2011 @ 1:53 pm

    Can I trade you a hormonal 11-year old for your 14-year old?

  6. Paralegal
    June 21st, 2011 @ 10:10 pm

    Yikes. I don’t know. I already have a hormonal 9 year old, and he is a boy.
    Thank God my Mother’s curse did not come true. She cursed me with twin daughters that act just like me. I had two boys, who I want to kill at times, but act nothing like me :)

  7. Momalegal
    June 21st, 2011 @ 5:46 pm

    Love it – I am totally putting you on speed dial for the coming years.  My kid is already a handful and not even 4 yet.  UGH.  Parenthood should come with a how-to manual (how not to kill your child) and a monthly voucher for the liquor store.

  8. Paralegal
    June 21st, 2011 @ 10:06 pm

    I am loving the voucher for vodka!

  9. Donnakesler138
    June 22nd, 2011 @ 12:31 pm

    I feel your pain.  I have been through two teenagers already, and now await MY 9-year-old to enter into puberty!!  God save us all!

  10. Andrea Schultz
    June 22nd, 2011 @ 2:14 pm

    Do you get the daily Westlaw Headnote of the Day? Today’s seems apropos (emphasis added):
    P.S. “take precautions” = voucher for vodka 

    Children, wherever they go, must be expected to act upon childish instincts and impulses,
    and others, who are chargeable with a duty of care and caution towards them must
    calculate upon this and take precautions accordingly.
    Madison ex rel. Bryant v. Babcock
    Ctr., Inc., 638 S.E.2d 650 (S.C.
    2006)

  11. Paralegal
    June 22nd, 2011 @ 10:04 pm

    Ha! Priceless!

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