Saying The Opposite

Posted on | April 21, 2011 | 10 Comments

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It is well known that paralegals on the Death Star like to express the opposite of what they truly mean.

For example, “You’re working on the next two months dockets” is met with:

“Awesome, that is going to be so much fun.”

As much “fun” as working on a huge docket load and locating files is like finding a needle in a haystack, it actually is not fun. I know!  Shocked, right?

So you can see how this works. It’s all a game of delusion for Admirals to hate their work less, and us to hate them more. Making the 8AM meeting a “kickoff and brainstorming session for the litigation department” sounds better than a “lets have a meeting again where everything is the same as last year.”

Paralegals can be incredibly sarcastic and biting with their remarks (that is why I fit right in). You’ve never known true hatred of one’s job until you’ve hung out with a paralegal after work.

If you’re dealing with a paralegal who tells you that they are going to have a great day working with others, you should already know that this is code for “another horrible day working with utterly incompetent people.” You should be worried however, when a paralegal tells you that their day is going to be bad. When a paralegal is going through enough shit that they won’t bother to disguise the truth, you should watch out.  Seriously, watch your back.

Here are just a few more phrases that should immediately tip you off:

  • Looking forward to it
  • It’ll be like vacation
  • It’s practically done
  • Thank you


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10 Responses to “Saying The Opposite”

  1. Saying The Opposite – Paralegal Hell
    April 21st, 2011 @ 2:53 pm

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  3. Grumpy Humbug
    April 21st, 2011 @ 4:34 pm

    A heavy sigh without further comment is the worst possible reaction by a paralegal.

  4. Paralegal
    April 22nd, 2011 @ 1:55 am

    My favorite is the eye roll. Most, who know me, back away slowly when I pull the eye roll on someone.

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  7. TxParalegal
    April 21st, 2011 @ 5:44 pm

    @GH – the sigh…a dreaded warning. If you get the sigh or a simple stare over the rims of his/her glasses, back away slowly and avoid said Paralegal until they resume speaking to you. You have been warned.

  8. Superlegal
    April 21st, 2011 @ 11:58 pm

    Agreed, and when I give “The Sigh,” I mean it.

  9. Lost Paralegal
    April 22nd, 2011 @ 1:01 am

    Whenever the boss starts with “please”, oh it’s going to be painful.

  10. Corporate Paralegal
    April 25th, 2011 @ 2:34 pm

    “No problem” is my catchphrase. As I hold out my hand to accept the assignment much the same way that a 5th grade teacher holds out her hand to have the student spit his gum into it.

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