What NOT To Get Your Love On Valentine’s Day

Posted on | February 14, 2011 | 15 Comments

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Here’s a list of what NOT to give her for Valentines Day:

1.  A box of chocolates, clumsily rearranged in an attempt to hide the fact you ate all the carmel ones.

2.  Lingerie that you think will look almost as good on her as on the Victoria’s Secret model.

3.  Any clothing item with the words “push-up” or “slim-down” on the label

4.  Any food item with the words “diet”, “light”,  or “high fiber” on the label.

5.  Any video starring Sylvester Stallone, Jim Carrey, or Jenna Jameson.

6.  Poetry, no matter how heartfelt, that starts out “There was once a girl from Nantucket…”

7.  Anything you ever gave another woman, including your mother.

8.  Any household appliance, power tool or other item from the harder side of Sears.

9.  Anything you could have bought at the gas station mini-mart on the way over, even if you didn’t.

10.  An apologetic look and the words “That was today?”

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

PH

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Comments

15 Responses to “What NOT To Get Your Love On Valentine’s Day”

  1. Magnus
    February 14th, 2011 @ 7:55 pm

    Crap. You really should have posted this a few days ago.

  2. Paralegal
    February 14th, 2011 @ 9:33 pm

    So- should I expect a new iron or a new handy pair of wrenches?

  3. Magnus
    February 15th, 2011 @ 2:03 am

    We need a new iron?

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    February 14th, 2011 @ 8:27 pm

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  8. Fort Worth 8L
    February 15th, 2011 @ 1:39 am

    The man I was formerly married to used to buy his “flowers” from the bum at the highway on-ramp. For one anniversary he put a new sink and disposer into the house. I was away on business so he woke me with a phone call at about 2 a.m. to let me hear the water run.

  9. Magnus
    February 15th, 2011 @ 2:04 am

    Dammit. There goes my next idea. :)

  10. Paralegal
    February 15th, 2011 @ 3:44 am

    Good lord. I can’t stop laughing at your comment! I cant believe the early morning call!!

  11. Momalegal
    February 15th, 2011 @ 2:13 am

    Seriously, the best Valentine’s Day present I ever got was when my hubby installed a dishwasher in the kitchen while I was out shopping. I hate washing dishes and we didn’t have one in the house we had just bought. *sigh* He gets me.

  12. Paralegal
    February 15th, 2011 @ 3:45 am

    Aweww. That is sweet. Isn’t it great when someone “gets” you. It is the best feeling.

  13. Corporate Paralegal
    February 15th, 2011 @ 2:43 pm

    I came home last night to find that my husband had replastered & sanded all of the walls in our bathroom in preparation for our major remodel this week. He told me he will paint the walls and ceiling today as part of my “gift.” I think that the best gift is the one that shows the person took the time to think about what you would like best. If that is flowers….go for it. My husband knew I was not looking forward to a night of sanding and, instead, gave me the gift of a night off.

    And don’t knock the wrenches! My husband gave me my own set of pink tools a few years ago for my birthday and they are the most used gift he ever gave!!!

  14. OldParalegal
    February 18th, 2011 @ 3:00 am

    I know it’s too late, but keep this in mind for next year, HSF – nothing says loving like 4 brand new tires mounted and balanced and a full tank of gas on the day before an out of town trial.

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