5 Things I Wanted As A Kid

Posted on | October 28, 2010 | 20 Comments

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Thanks Hollywood!

1. A lightsaber

When I was a kid, this was the ultimate icon of being awesome. This weapon of the Jedi was only to be used by the capable, the talented, and, naturally, the awesome. Every kid thought that he could be that way too, if only he had one of these.

The problem, of course, is that, were it real, the lightsaber would be the most dangerous weapon one could wield. At least with a gun, you can be fairly certain the deadly part is facing away from you. With the lightsaber, it’s flailing all about your face, and getting hit means you lose a body part. Instantly.

And, while the new series seriously made the Star Wars universe less awesome, lightsabers only got better.


Everything is better when doubled

2. A dinosaur

For some reason, it seemed every kid my age went through a dinosaur phase, where it was all we could talk about, or read about. Never mind that T-Rex was my favorite and would eat me instantly,


Cuddly

that didn’t matter. Most kids, especially kids that were smaller than the others, or maybe got picked on a lot, wanted a dinosaur to be their best friend. Everyone would do what you said out of fear of being eaten. Bedtime was a thing of the past.

3. A Wise-Cracking Animal Sidekick

Being pumped full of Saturday morning cartoons, I grew up with the assumption that all heroes had sarcastic animal friends who were quick with a song and joke, so I never could understand where my sidekick was. I knew many animals as a child, and not one of them sang, or even had the voice of Nathan Lane. The only animals I could get to follow me around were the wasps whose nest I disturbed.


And their jokes are terrible

2. A Kick Ass Sensei

Yep, just like Daniel-San had in Karate Kid.  I wanted my very own Mr. Miyagi so I could do the awesome Crane move on so many of the bitches and bullies on the playground.  Yes- I am looking at you, Billy.

The move that brought down Cobra Kai (and Billy in my imagination).

One of the biggest hits of my childhood was Karate Kid. This movie knew what kids wanted. Every kid deep down knows that he could take down the whole school yard, if given a mentor like Mr. Miyagi, and this movie proved it. Daniel-San not only learns to wax cars, and paint the fence, , but he also learns the sweet ass Crane move that takes down the evil Cobra Kai.  Sweep the leg, my ass.

1. Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Room

I don’t even feel the need to explain this one. I’m just going to show you.

Beautiful.

Paralegal

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Comments

20 Responses to “5 Things I Wanted As A Kid”

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  5. Cheri S.
    October 28th, 2010 @ 4:13 am

    Are you my long lost twin? :)

  6. Cheri S.
    October 28th, 2010 @ 4:13 am

    Are you my long lost twin? :)

  7. Paralegal
    October 28th, 2010 @ 4:56 am

    Hee! I must be :).

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  10. Purple Paralegal
    October 28th, 2010 @ 2:49 pm

    5 things I wanted as a kid: (Just for comparison)

    5. A sibling.
    I was an only child. I feel like there was so much I missed out on :-) Plus you can only blame the dog so many times.

    4. A limo with a pool in the trunk
    My dad still reminds me about this. I have no idea where I saw one, but it’s a father-daughter joke.

    3. To dance with Patrick Swayze
    “Dirty Dancing”. Enough said.

    2. To see “Phantom of the Opera” on Halloween Night.
    How cool would that have been?!?

    And for number one, dum-dum-dum!

    1. To dance on Broadway.
    I took dance classes for 12 years, singing lessons for two years, and was in my high school show choir for three years. I wanted to be the next triple-threat!

  11. Paralegal
    October 28th, 2010 @ 3:13 pm

    Oh! I did number one on your list. Dancing only though. Couldn’t sing to save my life :)

  12. Magnus
    October 28th, 2010 @ 6:26 pm

    Tis true :)

    /ducks

  13. Robert Thrumston
    October 28th, 2010 @ 10:19 pm

    I have to tell you that i was in my Family law class while I was reading this and couldn’t help but LOL, so i had to explain how awesome your blog is to all my fellow class mates!! maybe some more readers in the future?

  14. Paralegal
    October 28th, 2010 @ 10:39 pm

    You better tell all your classmates about my site. The more readers the better.
    Plus, have them and all your friends like paralegal hell on facebook. I need 1000 likes to crush gateway.

  15. Paralegal
    October 29th, 2010 @ 2:59 am

    I forgot to say please. My bad :(

  16. Robert Thrumston
    October 29th, 2010 @ 5:13 am

    no need to say please Comrade Paralegal, we all fight for your glory!!! (seriously Russian military sounding voice)

  17. Paralegal
    October 29th, 2010 @ 11:45 am

    You have no idea how much reading that with a Russian voice turned mo on.
    Yeah- I kinda have a thing for accents.
    I make HSB read ingredients to mo sometimes just so I can hear his Swedish.
    I blame Rocky 4 for this. Dolph played a HOT Russian who killed Apollo Creed and was really Swedish in “real” life.
    I love this movie. Best 80’s montage ever! Plus hot Swedish guy playing a Russian :)

  18. Jessie Sievert
    October 29th, 2010 @ 12:08 am

    So I know Robert who posted this on his Facebook which made me want to look at it and after reading the 5 things I agree with it all. I also have to say that even though I am 25 now I still want this stuff…LOL. I guess I am still a kid at heart!

  19. Paralegal
    October 29th, 2010 @ 1:17 am

    Me too. Especially the lightsaber!
    Welcome to the blog!!! Hope you stay and read more.

  20. Momalegal
    October 29th, 2010 @ 11:17 am

    I’m so with you on the wise-cracking animal sidekick. I also wanted the Mystery Machine van from Scooby Doo. (And to be friends with all of the SD peeps of course.) My parents had a lame ass van with ugly shag carpeting. AFTER shag carpeting was no longer cool. Ugh.

    And I still want Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Room. Yeah, it all still sounds cool to me, too! :)

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